& All those people running for president are asking me for money.
I’ve given, I’ve given, I’ve GIVEN already! To Bernie. Thirty-five bucks — the proceeds from the middle drawer of my dresser, which doubles as a bedroom wastebasket and container for the unused contents of my pants pockets. Maybe Bernie could also use a couple of paperclips and a old dog collar?
I’ve got a problem with giving any money to any Democrat. They’d use it to buy advertising on television stations owned by Republican rich guys who donate their money — my money, really — to people like Ted “The Canadian Cuban” Cruz and Marco “The Cuban Robot” Rubio. Makes no sense.
I gave the money to Socialist Bernie, because Capitalist Hillary doesn’t need it. She’s got plenty.
Bernie gets his donations from millions of middle drawers in the bedrooms of the little people. The average contribution, he says is about $35. Hillary, according to somebody with a calculator at OpenSecrets.org, gets lots from individuals, too. Given some of the recent sums reported from Hillary’s little people, the average donation must be $35, too. $35 with two or three zeros behind it.
Look at those little people from the big banks. At a recent count, individuals at Citigroup, Inc. had dug up $816,402 for the Hill; the little people at Goldman Sachs scraped up another $750,740; the JPMorgan Chase & Co. penny pinchers pinched their wallets for $693,456; and the Morgan Stanley pauper-people coughed up a measly $631,564. Scrooges. All in all, that’s $2,892,162 that Hillary got for Christmas. These folks are financial wizards — people who know about stretching a dollar and stretching a law. None of them, last time I looked, know anything about doing a stretch behind bars.
Up Iceland, after the financial meltdown, they sent a bunch of bankers to jail. Made ’em turn in those shiny alligator shoes for soft slippers. America sent none; our bankers were required to hang around in the boardrooms to collect their big bonuses for… for what? For staying out of jail?
It’s a good thing they’re not in jail, as has been suggested by some of Bernie’s supporters. If they were behind bars, their dresser drawers would be filled with… well, they wouldn’t have dresser drawers, would they? Hillary could be broke.
Gimme the Bern boys,
And ease my soul.
We don’t want no fat cats
& Humming along with the Doobie Brothers and the Wall St. Warblers, I’m outta here.